Saturday, September 10, 2011

The man at the spy store doesn't know how much juice she takes!



I went to the spy store today. Correction: we went to the spy store today. By "we" I mean me, Chris, Dan and Jim and by "spy store" I mean, a small crappy room in a strip mall with a few cases of junk inside. Handcuffs, nasty carpet, the whole bit. There is a sign on the door to the spy store which reads "no smoking." Apparently this is but the one rule in the spy store and from the smell inside and the bleary eyes of the employee who emerges after the automatic door ringer went "ding...ding...ding.............ding" (that last long pause was for Jim), the sign is most certainly there for the employee. By the look of it, this store doesn't get much business, which is probably why it had to branch out into handcuffs. Handcuffs just don't seem like standard spy material. I mean, if you are just spying, you probably shouldn't get involved enough to need handcuffs. It is called a "spy store" after all, not an "ass-kicking store" or a "citizen's arrest store". Sunglasses, on the other hand, might be a useful thing to carry. There are none of those. No disguises either.

So we walk in, rousing the nice fellow from the back. We are there to get a small camera to transmit live video feed aboard the RALPH*. Immediately, the lad knows which one he wants. Lad is not his name, but that is what Chris calls Dan. Anyway, he knows exactly what he wants (see picture above). The lad has already picked it out, but we need to know more. This is how the conversation between the employee and Chris goes:

"How much voltage does it run on?"
"12 Volts, plugs into the wall."
"Oh cool, how much current?"
"12 Volts, it plugs into the wall."
"How much current does it use?"
"Plugs into the wall, uses an adapter, 12 Volts"
"No, I mean how much juice does it use?" (He's getting agitated at this point)
"You mean how many Joo-les [sic]?"
"No! How much juice does she take?! Juice!"

Chris is getting very agitated at this point, so I step in. I ask the guy to see the box or the spec sheet that is inside which he goes into the back to get. He must think we are some sort of crazy physics spies. The camera comes in a box which is simply labeled "VIDEO CAMERA" which is written as though emerging from some heavenly light behind a yellow-green Earth. It apparently comes from China, from the Same Box, Many Item Factory (I can see hear the discussion of the business plan in my head, something along the lines of: "one box, very efficient, just need to pay someone to check off on the side to indicate what inside"). It's all there on the spec sheet, and in perfect Engrish too: "Low power consumption cost, widely usage..."



It all looks fine, so I decide to buy it. Hundred bucks they want for it. It's a bit shocking, really. I don't have that much cash on me, so I give him my credit card. I immediately wonder what kind of moron uses a credit card at a spy store. The employee asks me for my I.D. as well, which is genuine and I feel like an even bigger moron handing over my very real I.D. indicating exactly who I am. Not very spy-like. I'm not even wearing sunglasses. Sigh.

We take it back to Jim's house and test it--it works great. Fits right into a hole in the styrofoam box I found yesterday, like it was meant to be there. RALPH is really coming together.

Dan got out the multimeter. It's 8 Volts at 200 mA, by the way.

*RALPH is the official name of the project. It stands for Rapidly Ascending Launched Probe, Hello!

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